


If You Love Me...

by My_Black_Crimson_Rose6



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Cheating, Crying, M/M, Overdosing, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-04
Updated: 2015-12-04
Packaged: 2018-05-04 23:31:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5352482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/My_Black_Crimson_Rose6/pseuds/My_Black_Crimson_Rose6
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>...let me go.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If You Love Me...

**Author's Note:**

> I needed to write my feelings down so I don't act upon them. I'm sorry for this but I promised too many people that I wouldn't hurt myself anymore and I intend to keep that promise even if that means that I have to write about other people getting hurt.
> 
> To make the feels sadder go listen to "This is Gospel" by Panic! At The Disco. Trust me, it works. I'm crying as I write this.

They were happy; they were _happy_. Felix had asked him to marry him, Wash had agreed. He loved him, he did. Oh god did he ever love him—but shit happens right? David wasn’t meant to have a happy ending. They were getting married in two months. In two months Washington couldn’t exactly go about calling himself Washington when he wanted to take Felix’s name. He’d just be David after that.

He’d be David Andrada and he’d laugh when they’d get mail addressed to **Mr. Andrada** and they’d have to see which one of them it was for. He’d convince Felix to expand their family with a pet, and maybe they’d eventually listen to Felix’s parents and have kids. Well, they’d adopt… or get a surrogate. Wash would be a vet and Felix would still work for his family’s company and they’d be _happy_. Why couldn’t they just be happy?!

Wash pulled his keys from the ignition, slamming his door closed behind him as he bolted from his car and up the steps to his house that he shared with his fiancée. He fumbled with the keys, tears blurring as he attempted to find the correct one. He did eventually stumble upon the key, pushing it into the lock and turning the key until it opened. He paused long enough to remove the key from the door before slamming it closed and tossing the keys away—just _away_.

He stormed through the house, hardly pausing to toss his boots and jacket from his person before entering the bathroom and locking the door behind him. He flicked on the shower; cranking the heat and not bothering to temp it before pulling at the cold handle and twisting. He was in the shower, clothes blossoming with wet patches as he seemed to collapse into a fetal position—like a puppet’s whose strings had been snipped.

 

 _“Mr. Andrada told me that no one is to bother him,” Felix’s secretary smiled sadly. Wash leaned in, crossing his arms on the tall desk and setting his chin upon his arms. He looked down at her sadly—_ he was Felix’s fiancée _, you’d think he wouldn’t’ve minded. The woman leaned in to whisper, “but I don’t think he’d mind if you slipped in for a little kiss. But you have to make it quick, he’s supposed to have a meeting with the heads in about twenty minutes.” She tapped her nose as she settled back against her seat, pointy turning her attention to her computer and Wash quietly thanked her._

 _Wash and Felix hadn’t had the time to spend together recently. Wash had started pulling overnight shifts at the animal hospital that he was interning at as he made his way through his veterinary studies. Felix had started pulling longer shifts; it was the family business and he had a name to uphold. And just because he was an Andrada it didn’t mean he got a free pass. Wash understood it. So, that’s why he was happy to say that he took the night off and was bringing Felix a homemade dinner before…_ seducing _his fiancée into coming home earlier._

_He’d put on the lace and the stockings. Felix had a thing for lace—dainty, expensive, luxurious. Things that Washington wasn’t though he loved the way he looked in them. He was a kid that grew up in a low income family with two older sisters and a single mother whose husband left his family. Washington hated that man. He heard from his sisters that the man had remarried and that he has two sons with the woman. He hopes they’re happy at least, hopes for the kids’ sakes that their father doesn’t walk out on them too._

_Washington twisted the knob and a smile grew on his face on his face. Sucking in a breath and pushing the door open Wash’s smile slipped. It fell and shattered along with his heart. He recognized the woman whose breasts Felix was mouthing at, his pants around his knees as he fucked her on his desk. They never had sex on Felix’s desk, the most they ever did in this room was a kiss that turned heated. Wash swallowed, raising his hand with Felix’s bag of dinner and setting it upon the table he had beside the door._

_The sound of the bag made the two on the desk freeze—it made_ her _freeze and Felix growl before looking up. Looking up at to see his fiancée close the door quietly. Not a gasp or sob escaping his lips. He had thought about leaving his ring beside the meal but… but that ring reminded him of his most happiest and cherished moment. He wouldn’t lose it yet. He closed the door and bolted. Like a snap of an elastic, Washington was off. He ignored the way he came and took the stairs. Two floors down the tears began clouding his vision, two floors after that he sank to a stair and cried into his hands._

 

He stripped of his clothes when he finally left the shower. Wrapping a towel around his waist and carrying the dripping articles of clothing to the washing machine (he'd make a joke about it being his name but he wasn't in the mood). There was a mixed pile of his and Felix’s clothes sitting in the hamper to be washed and the blond grabbed those along with the wet ones and added the soap and softener before turning it on. He made a quick detour to collect his keys and jacket and return them to their proper positions.

Washington slipped into their room; he changed into the articles of clothing he had planned to for that evening. Though, he had added one of his own extra-large T-shirts to cover himself with. Wash stared at the reflection in the mirror, touching his freckled cheek. He could feel the swell, the tears against his fingertips. His ring shone in the light and he couldn’t help but press his lips to it and wish it was Felix. He had often taken hold of his hand and would kiss his ring finger even before a ring was added.

 

_A kiss to his nose, to his cheeks, to his eyes. Washington sighed and pressed their foreheads together. He didn’t want this moment to end. Didn’t want to think about the event around them that Felix’s work was hosting. He didn’t want to think that it wasn’t just the two of them pressed together like this. “I want to marry you,” Felix whispered, “I want to marry you so fucking bad that I haven’t stopped carrying a ring with me for the last three months just in case I decided to finally ask you.” When he opened his eyes, Felix’s hazel ones stared back at him. “So, David Washington, would you like to marry me?”_

_Wash licked his lips, lips quivering. He nodded. His voice was trapped, stuck deep in his chest and then between their lips as Felix kissed him. They kissed and kissed. One peck after the other after the other and more still. It was only when Felix finally fished the box out of his suit jacket that Washington found his voice and whispered “yes. I would love to spend the rest of my life with you.”_

 

He made a list, opening cabinets and the pantry, he went through the fridge and tossed out the stuff that wasn’t any good anymore before moving on to the freezer. He made a list, writing down their groceries before moving on to the sink and loading up the dishwasher before turning it on and tackling the remaining pots and pans in the sink. He felt numb, he felt cold and dead and _broken_. He felt…

He unplug the plug and watched as the water drained. Wiping down the sink until not a spot of soap, bubbles or food remained. Wiping down the counters next, Washington’s threw out the rag once finished before drying his hands. He left the lone light on above the sink. Plucking the container from the medical cabinet with all their medications, Washington grabbed a bottle of water and went to bed.

Washington would be sleeping when Felix comes home. He’d be tucked up in their bed with that stuffed lion that Felix had won him at the carnival back when they had just started dating more than five years ago. He’d pull it down from its place in their closet and cuddle with it when he was mad at Felix instead of cuddling with him that night.

Washington took his medication and placed the open container on his nightstand. The room was growing dark as the sun began setting and Wash tucked himself into bed.

Washington would be sleeping when Felix gets home.

 

His car was parked in the driveway, his shoes, keys and jacket all in the places he’d leave them. Felix called out to him, “David!” A panic in his tone. He… he fucked up. He fucked up and then he couldn’t leave, could chase after him like he wanted to. The kitchen light was on and it only spurred him on further into the house.

He stilled outside their door, at the figure in their bed. The covers covering all but his blond hair—he could only guess as he crept closer. Wash like sleeping completely covered in his covers when he had no one to leech warmth from. “David,” Felix sat on the bed, flicking on the lamp and his heart skipped.

Empty.

**Empty.**

He pulled down the sheets, rolling the blond over and shouted. “WHAT DID YOU DO?! DAVID WHAT DID YOU DO?!” He gripped his face, wiping away the bile and foam. He looked so _sad_. He looked so pale. His freckles so dark upon his pale face. Felix shook his head. He didn’t _care_ , he didn’t fucking care when he pressed their lips together. Pushing air into long dead lungs. “David please,” he brushed the blond’s hair back away from his face. “David please don’t leave me, I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.”

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to read a continuation here you go:  
> http://shadowsheyla.tumblr.com/post/134554774957/i-wrote-angst-and-then-i-thought-of-locus-side


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